T
he theme of this issue is “things we love” and it
reminded me of something: A children’s charity
ball organiser once asked me to auction an
autographed guitar from U2, the mega-famous
pop band fronted by Bono. Cool!
But when I arrived early at the venue and saw the
framed guitar, my mouth dropped open. It was exactly
the same as my beloved guitar at home. Same size, style,
colour and brand name.
My head swelled. Me and Bono, I thought: we’re
twins! He’s creative, I’m creative. He does charity stuff,
I do charity stuff. He wears tinted glasses, I wear tinted
glasses. He has a red Fender guitar, I have the same red
Fender guitar. He is handsome and rich and famous and
drives women wild. I am – yeah, well, you can only take
any conceit so far, right?
Strings attached
I mentioned this on the web and a guy in New Zealand
said the same guitar, with the same signatures from
members of U2, was auctioned at a charity ball there.
Things got curiouser still when I opened the newspaper to
read that former UK leader Tony Blair revealed that he had
taken some “official gifts” with him when he left Downing
Street – including a Fender guitar signed by the members
of U2.
So that’s why U2 hasn’t done an album for a while.
They’re too busy on a mission to
autograph every guitar on the
planet.
Intrigued, I emailed a few
musicians to learn
Still haven't found
what I'm looking for
Nury Vittachi
, father-of-three, ponders the
mysterious case of the reappearing red guitar...
more about celebrity instrument sales, and one of them
asked me to send him photos of the guitars mentioned
above. Less than an hour later, the guy, from a band called
the Bluenotes, gave his verdict.
“The ones sold by charities do have some value, since
the autographs are genuine, but they have never been
played,” he said. All were made by Squier, a Fender guitar
company subsidiary which makes cheap guitars in Asia.
“The only super-valuable one is Tony Blair’s one, which
is a Fender original the band possibly did use. And the
least valuable is yours, a cheap Indonesian-made Fender
Squier with no autographs, and which has only been
played by one really, really bad guitarist.” (I decided to
interpret this last comment as ironic.)
Trash or treasure?
After listening to me grousing about this, a friend told
me that a DJ who had breakfast with Justin Timberlake
auctioned the singer’s leftover bit of French toast for
US$3,154 (HK$24,600). Even more shocking, someone
else told me that the actress Scarlett Johansson caught a
cold and auctioned her
mucus-filled tissue on eBay
for US$5,300.
“That is ridiculous,” I
said. “Surely my guitar must
be worth more than Scarlett
Johansson’s mucus?” None of my friends
responded. They were all thinking about the
question, which was clearly much harder
than I thought it would be.
Anyone out there want to pay me a
small fortune for a coffee-stained, red,
slightly battered guitar, possibly the
last guitar on the planet not signed by
any members of U2?
Nury welcomes your comments and ideas at
his Facebook page:
vittachi
last word
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