a lot of forms and documents – copies
of our marriage certificate, degree
certificates, valuation on the property
we owned etc – from the UK, but
Emma found the process easy, and it is
straightforward – if you are organized
and good at filling in forms!
There are lots of decisions to
make on the initial forms in regards
to the child you would like to join
your family. You can select age, race,
gender, and then there are a whole
raft of questions for you to consider
in terms of the child’s background
and medical condition. Be honest
with yourselves here – Emma was
particularly concerned about some
medical conditions and the amount
of care a child might need, given that
she already had two daughters, but
none of us selected a specific race.
We chose an age range from 0-2
years, and were told that our most
likely match would be with a two-
year-old boy. Consequently, I was
very underprepared for an infant girl!
All of us were told that there weren’t
many children available for adoption
in Hong Kong, and we were also told
that there are only between one and
three perfectly healthy babies placed
for adoption each year in Hong Kong.
Again, this was information that we all
found confusing – when my husband
and I first met Holly at the Mother’s
Choice home, there were 21 babies in
the room. One of the volunteers there
explained to me that for a child to
be classed as ‘perfectly healthy’, they
really do mean perfect in every way –
no difficult backgrounds, no drug or
alcohol abuse in the mother, and zero
medical issues at birth. Holly was born
with three holes in her heart, so she
was not classed as ‘perfectly healthy’
even though she was the biggest and
bounciest in the room. Of course,
some of the children do have serious,
complicated and lifelong conditions –
we are very fortunate that two of the
three holes have now closed on their
own, and the third looks set to do
the same.
Also, although
Holly’s case was fairly
straightforward, and
her mother had been
in contact with Mother’s
Choice throughout her
pregnancy, some of the
children have not yet been
officially signed over and so are
not yet ‘available’ on the adoption
list. There can be many reasons
for this including those that have
been abandoned or where there are
difficulties tracing the parents, so
whilst there were 21 babies in Holly’s
room, at the time we were there only
three had been matched with adoptive
parents. Brodie’s birth mother had
never taken him home but refused to
sign the final paperwork; Charlie’s
birth mother was known to be a drug
taker before his birth and it was very
hard to trace her for the documents
required, so he was in long-term
foster care.
Match making
Every three weeks, all the agencies
get together and discuss the available
children and potential adoptive
families. A computer process does
an initial match, based on what you
have noted on your forms (race, age,
gender, etc.), and then the ‘matches’
are discussed at the meeting, and the
most appropriate family for that child
is chosen. We had chosen not to be
informed of when the meetings were
taking place (for us, we felt that way
madness would lie!), but Louise called
her social worker each time a meeting
had taken place, to see if there was
any news. Again, it’s really up to what
makes you feel comfortable – and
whatever you choose, we all remember
where we were when we got THE
CALL. I was at work, and, it being an
open-plan office, my co-workers knew
before my husband did! I scribbled
notes down as fast as I could but I’m
not sure the information was really
going in; you do need time to process
everything. After the call, our social
worker at Mother’s Choice emailed
us Holly’s birth and medical records,
and as much information about her
birth parents as they knew and could
legally release at this stage. Louise
agrees it was hard to take it all in at
first; it’s overwhelming, and nerve-
wracking, and exciting, and fantastic
all at once – not unlike finding out
you are pregnant in many ways,
although in our cases, the child arrives
in about two weeks rather than nine
months, which has its own challenges.
For us, Holly’s medical condition
was reasonably straightforward, her
background largely known, with
no immediate red flags. So, whilst
we were aware there may be some
management of her heart issues, we
decided to go forward immediately.
Other cases can be more complex
though, and, depending on the child’s
background, you may want to get
more information from health workers
and also from additional medical
examinations – for example, HIV is
not routinely tested for, even though
it is a condition that is mentioned
on the medical forms you fill in, and
even when there is a background that
suggests this might be a concern, so be
aware and ask for this – although you
may need to pay for this yourself.
Meeting your child
There is no photograph attached to
the records that you are sent, so the
first time you see your child is the first
time you meet them. Emma is the only
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