You play a crucial role in developing your
daughter’s self-esteem, writes
Anea Bogue
.
Self-esteem
strategies
R
esearch from New York
University’s Child Study Center
shows that the average
American girl’s self-esteem peaks
at the age of nine and then plummets.
Yes, you read that correctly: nine! The
reasons they report are varied, ranging
from hormonal shifts to media influence,
specifically the sexualisation of girls
and the setting of unrealistic physical
standards.
The impact of low self-esteem in
girls often leads to behaviours that can
be life-altering. According to another
national study, 75 per cent of girls with
low self-esteem reported engaging in
negative activities such as disordered
eating, cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking
and using drugs. Low self-esteem can
also lead to risky sexual behaviour.
We have our work cut out for us.
Societal messages that work against girls’
self-esteem are powerful and pervasive.
But, there are steps we can take to build
and protect their self-esteem – and, their
future.
1
Build a strong foundation
. Every day,
remind your daughter, through words
and actions, that she is strong, smart and
beautiful. Research confirms that girls with
low self-esteem most commonly receive
less praise and more criticism from a
parent.
2
Limit her access to media early
. The
messages you work diligently to instil
will quickly be challenged if you don’t
filter media that blatantly contradict
them. A great deal of television and
print media set unrealistic physical
standards and portray over-sexualised,
disempowered girls and women.
Unchecked, it
will
shape your daughter’s
sense of reality, self and the standard she
is expected to meet for acceptance,
“desirability” and “success”.
3
Create open lines of communication
.
Hormonal shifts that begin the
transition into adolescence can begin
as early as eight or nine years old. The
further down the adolescent path she
is, the more difficult it will become to
establish lines of communication that will
essentially become
lifelines
in your efforts
to guide and protect her throughout her
teen years.
4
Encourage her to find and use her
voice
. Think of your daughter’s voice
as a muscle – the more she uses it, the
stronger it will be. Speaking on behalf of
your daughter limits her “workout” time.
5
Seize the power of organised sports
.
The opportunity to develop strong
relationships with other girls while working
towards a common goal and to develop
confidence related to something she
does
rather than simply how she looks,
talks and acts is essential to building self-
esteem. Research also shows a significant
decrease in participation in risky sexual
behaviour among girls who play sports.
6
Remember that knowledge is power
.
It’s especially important that your
daughter understands her own body
– that she has a solid understanding of
the powerful and changing cyclical
role hormones play in the female body,
and the impact they have physically,
emotionally and psychologically.
7
Make no subject taboo
. From sex to
drugs, making any subject off-limits
to your daughter (whether stated or
implied) will only ensure her journey
down a path of shame, ignorance and,
ultimately, danger. If she can’t get open,
honest and accurate information from
her parents, she will get it from less-
educated sources.
8
Dad, be aware of the power of
your words and actions
. The way a
father expresses his value and respect
for women directly impacts the way his
daughter sees herself and the degree of
respect and overall value she will expect
to receive from boys and men.
9
Mum, never forget that you are
her most important role model
. It
is imperative that we do whatever is
necessary to get ourselves to a place of
knowing and understanding our value
as women if we have any hope that our
daughters will do the same.
Anea Bogue, an acclaimed self-esteem
expert who specialises in working with
women of all ages, including adolescent
girls, will be visiting Hong Kong this
month to speak to various schools and
community groups. To learn more, visit
.
