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his writer was asked to
give inspirational words
of wisdom to a newly
married woman. I said:
“Now you can eat ANYTHING you
like. Go get them doughnuts, girl.”
Doing some Deep Thinking about
marriage reminded me of the fights
that all couples have in the early
years of a relationship. Arguments
are like Paul McCartney concerts:
five minutes of new stuff and then
out come all the old classics.
The good news: eventually you
and your partner spend a whole
day arguing about whether or not
you are having an argument. After
that peak, the male goes quiet,
and a miraculously dispute-free
relationship ensues for the rest
of your lives. My wife and I have
definitely reached that stage, unless
she says we haven’t, in which case we
definitely haven’t.
These thoughts coincided with the arrival of a report from
a reader about a man in Java, Indonesia, who recently married
a fairy. Kodok, aged 63, wedded Roro Setyowati, ageless, who
is described as a
peri,
which is a Bahasa Indonesian phrase for
invisible female spirit.
“Kodok and Roro Setyowati had decided to tie the knot
after first meeting five years ago,”
the Jakarta Post
reported.
(Drink may have been involved.)
The Javanese media was “awash with pictures” of the
couple, the report said, which I assume means images of
Kodok with a cheesy smile. He SHOULD smile: think of the
cash saved on bridal-wear.
“What’s the point of having a wife who is invisible?” said
the reader who sent me the cutting. “Surely the great thing
about women is that they are scenic?” This sounded a bit
sexist to me, particularly when, after further exchanges, he
said he started to see the advantages of having an invisible,
inaudible wife. This caused me to edit his name out of this
Marriage of minds
In some ways, Eastern weddings are more
flexible, says father-of-three,
Nury Vittachi.
column for his own safety.
Westerners think Asians are
backwards because we don’t allow
same-sex marriages, but we’re
actually more advanced in many
ways. We allow people to marry
fairies, statues, paintings and trees,
although they MUST be opposite
sex trees.
Registrar: “Are you sure this oak
tree is female? Looks kinda hunky
to me.”
Bridegroom: “She’s been
comfort-eating.”
Why would you want to marry
a tree? I can answer that with a
true story from a reader. An Indian
woman was told by a fortune teller
that her first wedding would fail
and her second would work. So
she married a tree first, divorced
him, and then went for the human
option. I heard this from the
woman’s daughter, a Hong Kong
reader named Shrynne, whose parents have now been
married for almost 50 years. (Her mum probably still thinks
wistfully about the tree from time to time.)
People in the West are starting to copy us. A woman called
Erika LaBrie married the Eiffel Tower in Paris in 2007 and
changed her name to Erika Eiffel. A couple of years ago,
CNN did a special feature on a guy “who was in a romantic
relationship with his car”. Have idiot TV anchors never met
a male before? ALL motor-owning guys are in romantic
relationships with their cars. That’s why
Top Gear
(also known
as “Three Idiots”) is the world’s most popular documentary
series. It’s the guy equivalent of a love story.
Whatever, still, no one can deny that marriage is an
enormously important stage in life. After marriage, you can
eat doughnuts.
Nury welcomes your comments and ideas at his Facebook
page:
.
last word
