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Playtimes
A
teacher filed a lawsuit recently complaining that
school bosses sacked her because of her disability.
How mean! Or at least that’s what I thought
until I read that her official disability was “fear
of children”.
Not a joke! It seems THIS IS AN ACTUAL DISEASE
now, not just any intelligent person’s reaction to being
swarmed by sticky, irrational creatures which emit
astonishing amounts of biochemical acids from both ends.
You’d have thought that somewhere along the line this
woman might have thought “schoolmarm” was not her
ideal career, but no.
It happened, of course, in the US, where you can sue
anyone for anything, including saving your life, giving birth
to you, glancing momentarily in your direction, etc.
The reader who sent me the story, Margie K Chen,
commented: “I’m opposed to discrimination, but it’s getting
hard to be politically correct.”
I so agree, Margie. In fact, I hereby give up pretending
that I like children’s parties. The best way to describe them
is “World War III with colouring books.” I’ve been in war
zones and they are way less stressful.
And here’s another example of the difficulty of being
politically correct. You’re not allowed to like people
smugglers, right? But a reader sent me a report about cops
in Madhya Pradesh, India, struggling to close down a
bridal shop (which, in that country, is a store selling brides).
Police located two out-of-town brides who had been sold
to men in the village of Ishagarh, but the new brides refused
to be rescued, saying they kinda liked their husbands and
were happy.
The new husbands applauded the human traffickers
for their flexible pay plans. One bachelor said he couldn’t
afford the “recommended retail price” of a bride, so the
trafficker accepted a used buffalo as part payment.
Try that at your local Ikea and see where it gets you.
I used to be politically correct in parenting matters
until a reader sent me a report about police using pepper
spray to subdue an out-of-control child.
The kid in question, an eight-year-old Colorado boy
named Aiden, was smashing down a door to fulfil his
declared aim of slaughtering the staff of his school.
Politically INcorrect
Let’s stop pretending we enjoy children’s parties,
says father-of-three
Nury Vittachi
.
Afterwards, a TV reporter asked little Aidan
whether he really intended to kill his teachers. “A
little,” the child admitted. Personally, I don’t see a lot
of difference in being killed a little or a lot; you’re dead
either way, right?
Personally, I never use pepper spray when my children
get out of control. I keep totally calm and we come to a
compromise. I compromise by giving them what they want
and they compromise by shutting up. This is known as
“good parenting”.
Meanwhile, I am seriously considering getting myself
diagnosed with fear of children as an official disability
so that the government will be forced to relieve me of the
stress of parenting.
I’ll have a miraculous recovery as soon as they’ve
graduated from university.
Sound like a plan?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the survivalist
store and buy stuff which will turn my apartment into an
impregnable nuclear bunker.
Yes, I’m due to have a children’s party.
Nury welcomes your comments at
last word
