under pressure
Learning how to cope with stress is an important life skill for kids,
writes
Cong Contreras
.
I
’
ve got so many problems!” my
ten-year-old grumbled with a
heavy sigh. He was all worked up
about his project team's failure to
collaborate well.
I couldn’t help but smile to myself
and I was tempted to reply, “You think
you’ve got problems now, wait about 20
years and let’s talk again!” For adults, it’s
so easy to dismiss our children when they
talk about their worries, as theirs seem less
important than our own grown-up woes.
All human beings experience stress,
regardless of age. We are all familiar
with that feeling of being overwhelmed
physically, emotionally and mentally.
And, according to experts, our bodies’
reaction to stress is relatively the same:
increased heart rate, rising blood
pressure and the release of certain stress
hormones. The difference lies, however,
in how each individual quickly returns
to homeostasis, the equilibrium state
where all systems go back to normal
after a reaction to the stressor. It is this
skill of going back to a balanced state
using positive strategies that allows us to
overcome stress.
Key to helping our children develop
this skill is understanding that our
biological systems, including our coping
mechanisms, are established in the early
years of life and that they are highly
influenced by our interactions with adults
who care for us.
When our young children talk
about the strain they are under, it’s
crucial that we acknowledge it and
not treat it as trivial. Just because our
children are dealing with seemingly
mundane issues doesn’t make the
stress they feel any less real than ours
as adults.
Really listen as your child tells you
about his day, and validate his feelings
of disappointment, fatigue or pressure by
relating stories of times you felt the same
way, either as a child or as an adult. On
the other hand, if your child is not ready
to talk about what’s causing him stress,
tell him that you notice something is
bothering him and you are ready to listen
when he is ready to share.
Help your child develop relaxation
skills. Keep in mind that quiet time is
as important as active play, and you
can develop the habit of “downtime”
as early as infancy. For a few minutes
every day, lie or sit down with your child
and just listen to soothing music or the
sounds around you or within you, such
as the sound of your own breathing.
Children can even begin to learn to
quiet the mind by meditating.
Do not underestimate the power
of touch. Aside from plenty of hugs,
give your baby a gentle massage
or your child a back rub regularly.
My husband often makes bedtime
stories and cuddles extra-special
by throwing in a back-massage
treat, which our children are always
delighted to receive.
As with any good habit we
try to teach our kids, modelling
is fundamental. We have to
demonstrate positive coping
strategies ourselves, such as keeping
calm in stressful moments, engaging
in regular physical activities and
creative outlets, and getting
sufficient sleep.
Despite our fear of our child
feeling any kind of pain, it’s important
to see stress as part of growth. It’s
when we are under pressure that
our body and mind get the extra
adrenaline to push ourselves a bit
more and to rise up to challenges.
Enduring and persevering through
stressors early in life – like the first
day in a new school, getting an
immunisation, or dealing with difficult
classmates – will help them not only
to survive, but to thrive in the stressful
world of adulthood.
30
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