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night of the week the family goes out.
Giving your kids a say in all areas of
life will go a long way toward fostering
good behaviour.
Restaurant remedy #3:
Put it all out on the table
Logical consequences – or consequences
that directly relate to your child’s
misbehaviour – are a great way to curb
negative-attention-seeking behaviours
while teaching real-life lessons. The
key for them to be effective, however, is
that they must be revealed in advance.
Inform your child of the logical
consequences you’ve put in place,
including what your expectation or
rule is, and the consequence for not
following the rule. If she chooses to
endure the logical consequence instead
of behaving appropriately, she has only
herself to blame.
The recipe
If your little one has a history of
putting on a show at restaurants,
be sure to prepare her for good
behaviour. Prior to the family outing,
let her know what is expected of her
–
a peaceful dinner for the family
(
without the trademark crying or
screaming) and the other diners (no
making faces or trying to eat off a
neighbouring table’s plates). Make it
clear that if she doesn’t behave, she
will spend the rest of the meal in the
car. Then, stick to your guns on your
decision – no need to remind, nag or
yell. If she acts up, Dad may need to
take her to the car while Mum and the
other kids finish up. But don’t worry:
while sitting in the car is no picnic for
Dad, this consequence will help make
sure it doesn’t happen again.
For consequences to work best,
make sure they always follow the five
Rs – related to the offence, respectful
to the child, reasonable, revealed in
advance and repeated back to you.
Restaurant remedy #4:
When to dine and ditch
(
the conflict – not the bill!)
Counteracting power-seeking
misbehaviours as they’re happening
requires you to completely remove
the payoff your children would
receive if you argued, battled or
negotiated with them. That means
you’ll need to withdraw entirely from
the situation. Believe it or not, kids
enjoy the attention they get for their
misbehaviours – even if it’s negative
attention, including the glares for
loudly blowing bubbles in their milk.
Take away this payoff, and you’ll
reduce the bad behaviour.
The recipe
Sometimes even our best efforts can
still leave us with a screaming child –
especially if a restaurant is out of the
chicken strips he was looking forward
to, or dessert just isn’t happening
tonight. When this happens, start by
making it clear that you are totally
unimpressed. Then, although it may
mean abandoning your meal, remove
yourselves from the situation by heading
outside or to your car where he can cry
or yell to his heart’s content – without
getting attention from you or dirty looks
from fellow diners. When your little one
realises that no matter how much he
yells, it won’t make chocolate ice cream
appear, he’ll be less likely to waste his
energy next time.
These strategies are guaranteed
to reform even the most chronic of
dining room offenders. Before you
know it, you might just be eating at
restaurants without dancing animals
or a slide!
December 2012
47