Let’s talk about it
Is the thought of sex leaving you cold? Experts say that
talking issues through is better than bottling them up.
Keep the lines of communication open by considering
these questions together, says marriage therapist Cindy
LaTour:
•
What does it mean to me if we don’t have sex for two
to three months?
•
What are you willing to do during this time to be
intimate in sexual and nonsexual ways?
•
Do I know my limitations? And once I’ve reached
them, how does my partner want me to address them
with him/her?
•
How does my partner want me to approach him/her
to discuss this subject?
•
After the doctor has given the green light to go
ahead, what barriers are getting in the way of being
intimate or having sex?
sex, withhold it because of pain, or just have no interest.
This may have a dual effect of making their partner feel
resentful and rejected.
Lucy’s advice is to carefully evaluate how long you
want to pursue feeding if sex is an issue. “Those WHO
guidelines to feed for two years tend to be for people
living in remote places, where babies will die if they are
not breastfed,” says Lucy. “The same cannot be said for
babies living on Conduit Road. Here the question has
to be, ‘What is the biggest risk to urban families?’ The
answer is divorce.”
Keep it real
Mothers trying too hard to be perfect, agonising over
baby’s well-being, or caring for baby to the exclusion of
everyone else can be damaging for the whole family. Yet, it
can be difficult to ask for help or admit you aren’t confident
or happy mothering.
blossom into a doting parent can remind you why you fell
in love originally.
Take time to reconnect as a couple as well. Go on
dates, or create a date at home with a dinner and candles,
or run a bath to share. “Truly making the ‘coupleship’ a
priority is essential,” says Melanie.
And when you are ready to make the first move, don’t
be shy. It pays to be direct when you are ready to bring the
passion back. After weeks or months of non-contact, your
man may not be attuned to vague signals. “Outwardly
saying, ‘We haven’t had sex and I miss you,’ could be
a good approach versus weaselling your way through
touching and making attempts only to be rejected,” says
Cindy LaTour.
If you find your partner looking to wine and dine you
this Valentine’s Day, go ahead, push back any parenting
guilt, and take him up on a date. That one action may go
a long way to rekindling lost romance. If not, set up a sitter
and try taking him out instead. If all goes well, you both
could be in for a rather special night.
Many experts say watching
your partner blossom into a
doting parent can remind you
why you fell in love originally.
“
Women need to be honest. We need to move on to
the idea that there are many different ways to be a good
enough mother and being a good enough mother is better
than being a perfect mother. Sacrificing your sanity and
your marriage on the altar of perfectionism is a common
mistake,” Lucy says.
Doctor of psychology at Mind Matters, Melanie
Bryan, agrees. She sees a lot of men become marginalised
and neglected in relationships where a mum focuses all
her attention on the baby. Explore parenting together, she
says, and take advantage of having a breather when Dad
is in charge. Inviting him to become involved will bolster
his confidence and goes a long way to rebuilding lost
communication. Many experts say watching your partner
February 2013
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