L
ove is tricky. When reader Chris Huber was asked
for his “relationship status” by Facebook, he was
given the following options:
•
Single
•
In a relationship
•
Engaged
•
Married
•
It’s complicated
•
Separated
•
Divorced
In a flash he saw the story of his life. He typed: “All of
the above, in that exact order.”
With love on my mind, I turned to the Asian
newspapers and found a shocking tale. An Indian male
behaved NICELY to a woman. The incident caused
major headlines. Here’s what happened. The family of
Nitish Tyagi, 21, arranged a bride for him. Just before the
wedding, Dad received bad news: “The girl eloped with a
trainee police sub-inspector.” The family was devastated.
“
Not a trainee police sub-inspector!” they wailed.
Love is complicated
Romance is a challenge in Asia and the West, but for
different reasons, says father-of-three
Nury Vittachi
.
to annul the marriage by getting her to tie a string around
his wrist, a ceremonial act which turns two people into
brother and sister. He told her that the man she really loved
was probably waiting for her. “Off you go then,” he said.
Indian newspapers initially focused on the sins of the
girl, printing the tale under the headline: “Bizarre tale
of marriage without consent”. But readers were stunned
by Nitish’s kind, loving nature. The Tyagi home became
a tourist destination, with thousands of admiring visitors
flocking in from around the country to see a real, live
Nice Man.
Now that’s love. But when I asked readers for
comments, the male ones said they didn’t believe in
love. “Ninety per cent of love is an illusion,” said reader
Christian Fardel. Jason Sydun reckoned the figure should
be 100 per cent. Chan Kin said love was nothing more
than an internal “collision between a neurotrophin and
oxytocin”. Rajiv Das was a bit more sympathetic, saying:
“
Love is when you are at the night club and you desperately
want her phone number. Lust is when you desperately want
anyone’s phone number.”
Well, I still believe in it. The top lovey-dovey couple in
the media these days is probably the royal sweethearts in
the UK, so here are some Kate and Will jokes.
1)
As Kate is shopping, a saleswoman notices her huge
diamond ring. Kate explains: “It’s The Windsor
Diamond. It comes with a horrible curse.” The
saleswoman asks: “What’s the curse?” Kate says:
“
Windsor.”
2)
Kate: “Now that we’re married, your grandma will have
to stop poking you at weddings and saying: ‘When’s it
going to be your turn?’” Will: “Actually, she stopped
doing that after I started poking her at funerals and
saying: ‘When’s it going to be your turn?’”
3)
Two years after the wedding, Will notices that the love
has gone out of Kate’s eyes: “Tell the truth, Kate. You
only married me because my father is going to leave
me a massive fortune.” Kate replies: “Don’t be silly,
Willy. I’d have married you whoever left you a massive
fortune.”
Nury Vittachi writes a regular humour column at
www.mrjam.org
.
Love is when you are at the
night club and you desperately
want her phone number. Lust
is when you desperately want
anyone’s phone number.
They were about to cancel the ceremony when the
runaway bride’s father had an idea, explaining that he had
“
another one” somewhere. He sorted through his chattels
and produced a second young woman, similar to the first.
The wedding in Uttar Pradesh went ahead as planned,
with the original girl’s younger sister Aarti as bride.
After the wedding, Nitish received more bad news.
Substitute-bride Aarti revealed that she was already
married, but had to keep it quiet, as she had chosen the
guy herself, without parental involvement – a big no-no in
India. I wonder how she broke the news to him? “Darling,
maybe I should have mentioned this earlier …”
Now here comes the act of niceness. “Ah,” said Nitish.
“
Hmm.” After thinking about it, the paper said, he decided
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