Lisa agrees. “When I was a kid I
would always pick the smallest piece
of steak when given a choice, so my
siblings would get the better pieces.
Or I would choose the uglier handbag.
Maybe I short-changed myself because
I didn’t believe I deserved better.”
She continues, “Now I am the
sibling who will actually hop on a
plane to visit my siblings and their
children. I work hard to keep us all
connected and have gone from being
the ‘black sheep’ to being the ‘glue’
of our family and Mum and Dad’s
favourite child.”
According to a poll by
TheBabyWebsite, exactly half of all
middle children felt they were treated
differently from their siblings when
growing up, and 47 per cent felt they
had to fight for their mum and dad’s
attention. By the time middle children
left home however, 66 per cent had
developed a close relationship with
their parents.
Hadas reminds parents to
acknowledge the achievements of their
middle child. “Enrol your middle
child in activities that are different to
his siblings and that will allow him
to express his individuality. Don’t
compare him to his siblings. Instead,
remind him that he is a unique and
special person.”
Last-born children
“
With Finlo, I used to be more serious,
but now I know that everything will sort
itself out. I don’t get wound up about
potty training, reading, whining or
screaming anymore. With four children,
I have to be relaxed,” says Bettina.
With fewer rules to adhere to,
last-borns are usually free-spirited and
fun-loving. They can be charming,
outgoing, fearless and creative – all
traits that describe Bettina’s youngest
child. “At 18 months, Maya is very
courageous and active. She copies
her siblings a lot so she wants to paint
with acrylic colours like her sister, play
LEGO, ride a bike, catch fish and help
with the cooking,” Bettina comments.
While Bettina encourages Maya’s
independence, other mums may
continue to baby their last-born.
Accustomed to being pampered
by parents and older siblings, the
youngest child may become a “self-
centred attention-seeker”, says Hadas.
Equally, they may crave the spotlight
because they realise that their
achievements are no longer exciting
for their third-, fourth- or fifth-time-
round parents.
“
Avoid letting your youngest
child get away with everything or
asking the older ones to give in to him
when confrontation occurs. Teach
your child boundaries and he will be
better equipped to cope with life,”
says Hadas. She reminds parents
to show enthusiasm for each child’s
achievements, regardless of their spot
in the family.
Positive parenting
Not all families fit the traditional
mould of two parents and one or more
children. Adoptive, blended, and
single-parent families can all play a
part in shaping a child’s personality.
So, too, can the age gap between
siblings. As Lisa points out, her eldest
child behaves like an only child
and her second-born is more like a
firstborn because of their 12-year age
difference.
To avoid the potential parenting
pitfalls of raising a larger family,
irrespective of its structure, Hadas
advises parents against treating
children differently because of their
position in the family.
“
Recognise each child’s
uniqueness and support their
individual strengths. Do not
compare siblings to each other.
Instead, create an environment
where each child feels like they
belong to a ‘group of siblings.’”
Annie Darracott, the youngest
of three loving siblings, agrees. Her
eldest brother, John, is a leader;
her middle brother, Mike, is the
outgoing comedian and ‘glue’ of the
family; and Annie is the much-loved
youngest sibling.
“
My parents adapted their
parenting style to suit our
personalities. They encouraged us to
live our lives the way that best suited
us and to be involved in each others’
lives,” says Annie, a mother of two.
“
It was my job to take the oranges
on at half-time during my brothers’
soccer matches and they were at the
finishing line cheering me on in all
my athletics races. There is no sibling
rivalry because we all knew we had
different strengths and weaknesses
but none of them made us better or
worse people.”
March 2013