Is she or isn’t she?
Marie Teather
takes a look at why
and how you might keep your pregnancy a secret.
E
mily and Richard Brenton
had a secret. During after-
work drinks in Central
most evenings, they’d been
playing a discreet game. Each time
a new round of drinks was bought,
Emily would say thanks and pretend
to drink her bottle of beer. But when
no one was looking, she’d swap her
bottle with Richard’s, which he was
drinking a little faster than usual.
Of course, they also had another
secret. Emily was ten weeks pregnant.
For many newly expectant mums,
the news that you are entering one of
the most exciting and life-changing
times you’ll ever experience also
means you may act counter-intuitively
to how you may have before, when you
thought you’d simply go out for a drink
and share the story with your friends
straight away.
“I was excited to tell everyone,
but it wasn’t as easy as that. Two of
our very good friends had been trying
to have a baby for the last 18 months
and I was sensitive to how much they
wanted a baby,” says Emily. “We
got pregnant on the first time and I
suppose I felt guilty in some way
about it.”
Newly expectant mums might
want to shout their news from the
rooftops – or, these days, craft an eye-
catching Facebook update – but there
are many reasons why parents may
choose to stay quiet for a while, not
least that new parents need time to get
used to it themselves.
Hulda Thorey, a registered Hong
Kong midwife and director and
founder of Annerley, says, “I did not
tell people, as I found it very precious
to keep the secret to myself. It was a
very special thing and I knew the day
would come that I would tell and it
would become a major topic. It was
something I could not afford to spend
time on while with my clients at work,
so I found it better not to tell.”
Keeping the secret
In many cultures, it’s long been
common practice to keep a pregnancy
secret for the first trimester.
Traditionally, this stems from the fear
of miscarriage, which is higher during
the first 12 weeks. Many women will
choose to avoid the uncomfortable
situation of having to tell people
they are no longer expecting should
anything happen. Those who have
had previous miscarriages might
be particularly nervous during this
period.
One mum who chose to remain
anonymous says, “The first time
I got pregnant, I told a handful of
close friends but then miscarried
three weeks later. While they were
supportive, there was no explaining
the emotions I was going through and,
as they had all never been pregnant,
there was no way they would
understand. It was a very sad time.
I miscarried twice, and for my third
successful pregnancy, I hid my bump
right until I was 22 weeks. I did not
enjoy being pregnant and never made
any big announcement.”
Other parents will also hold off
making an announcement until they
have the results from any prenatal
testing, which, in Hong Kong, usually
takes place in weeks 11 through to 13.
But it’s not always for sad reasons
a mum may choose not to tell. “My
mum would have killed me if I’d not
told her first. She was due to come and
visit us in Hong Kong when I was 11
weeks, and so we waited until then –
although I was dying to tell everyone
since the moment we found out!” says
another mum.
That said, as your regular clothes
start to feel stretched, it’s hard to keep
a pregnancy secret. We’ve all seen the
celebrity “is she or isn’t she?” articles,
usually accompanied by a paparazzi-
style picture of the suspected mum
holding a bag over her bump.
You’ll also remember Kate and
Wills, the Duchess and Duke of
Cambridge, trying desperately to
keep their pregnancy a secret despite
Keeping
m m
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