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Nodding to let him know that I was listening to all the details, I asked, “Mike, in all of this, what is the biggest problem for you?” Shaking his head side to side, the knowledgeable but confused man smiled. “Don’t laugh, but I don’t want to be in the middle of all this mess with my wife and my mother. I love them both. But, in these times, how are parents supposed to fgure this out?” “You don’t want to be in the middle? That’s the big question for you?” “Yes. I don’t want both of them chewing my ear off about what is good for a little kid. Don’t women

Differences of opinion between the wife and the mother-in-law are as old as families themselves.

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delightfully good, the devastatingly bad or the nothing special of daily life. Differences of opinion between the wife and the mother-in-law are as old as families themselves. Fortunately, modern men get the chance to learn from both generations of women. Hong Kong holds a unique place in the world. This town would not function without a diversity of skills. The extremely varied workforce makes it Asia’s “World City.” Yet, it is quite clear that not all of us have the ability to survive and thrive in both languages. We have to help our kids make the best choices, based on their own

abilities and where we think the best educational and job opportunities are. And the answer is different for each child. There is no one answer for all. In part, that is why there are so many different kinds of schools in Hong Kong and sometimes different “streams” within them. Welcome to the real world of choosing schools for kids.

Mike is in the middle, and that’s unlikely to change. His mother raised him. She cares about him, and one way that she can show that she cares is to take an interest in his son’s schooling. His wife married the grown-up Mike. She loves him for all he is on his own. And, she’s had her own years of life experience. She knows the competition. She knows that smooth English can help get people into jobs and sometimes get them promoted. This is not a situation that Mike – or any dad – should side-step or try to get out of. It’s important, and each of the women in his life will want to discuss it.

“But why can’t they just talk to each other?” Mike asked me. “I still want out.”

“We live in changing times,” I tell him. “The kind of schooling that was good for our generation might not be best for today’s students. But, those in our parents’ generation value tradition. Your wife knows the times are changing. She is talking to you because she wants you in on the

Chinese and going to some famous Chinese kindergarten.”

Getting more comfortable in the chair and with his own story, Mike continued. “I grew up speaking Chinese at home and learned English in school. Thirty years ago in Hong Kong, even in primary grades, English language was taught well and I learned enough, just in school. Now, my English is passable – not perfect. My wife was a business major; she is smart and her English is really smooth. Two years ago, she gave up her job to be a full-time mum. She knows what she wants for our son. But, my mother has a point in wanting her frst grandchild to be able to speak Chinese as well as English. My mum wants the Chinese language to be the priority for schooling.”

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