him too much. My dad would blame himself for not being there for him; for putting his work in
front of his family; for valuing our financial status more than our emotional needs. I would blame
myself for not listening to him enough; for not expressing how much I loved him; for surviving
when he did not. They would shout. I would scream at them to stop. My pleas would be drowned
out by the feuds. That time, each of us had never felt so lonely.
My brother is back. He has to be. My loneliness will finally be cured.
“Mom, I know. I understand. I won’t do anything that stupid anymore. I promise.” I’ve become
rusty with my lies. I know she doesn’t believe me. Her eyes glare at me, doubtful.
“I pinky promise,” I look up at her, pinky outstretched. I’ve never broken a pinky promise
before, despite that, don’t people tell you to try something new everyday?
It’s a busy day today. A school had come for their annual school trip. Usually I would be
ecstatic about meeting people my age since the last person who was my age had left permanently,
however now that person is back. My brother is back. Even if it was because of the dehydration,
even if it was just my imagination, even if it was just a dream, it made me feel complete and I’d
sacrifice anything, even my health just for that inexplicable feeling of completeness.
“Batu!” I scream into the emptiness.
“Batu!” I try again. No reply. Nothing, except the howling of the wind.
“Why are you here again? I told you that your body is too fragile!” A voice behind me scolds.
Whipping my head around I stare eyes wide. It’s truly him. Vaulting onto him, his body crashes into
the fine sand sprinkled around us like icing sugar. The aching inside my chest has suddenly stopped.
“It’s just like old times isn’t it?” My head burrows itself into his shoulder, arms wrap around
his broad chest. His large hands stroke my hair. For the first time, I feel at home. I feel loved.
After what feels like a second but I’m sure is far longer, I let go. I don’t know how long this
will last and I don’t think I want to know.
It’ been so long, so long since I’ve last heard his voice and now there’s only one thing I want.
“Could you sing for me?” He grins at me, showing off his perfectly straight teeth, something I
never had.
“But I don’t have the piano that you always loved.”
“You don’t need a piano. Your voice is perfect enough.” He chuckles a deep throaty laugh
while ruffling my hair. He’d always do that. I hated it, but now I have never been so relived to just
feel his touch. I don’t even bother to pat down my hair as I usually do.
A humming drifts through the air. The simplicity of the melody is what emphasizes the beauty
of it all. His eyes shut. As he sings, the roaring of the sand dunes harmonize with him. Slowly,
he unconsciously sways his head bathing in the mesmerizing music. As he sings louder, the sand
dunes join him getting louder too. As he ends, his eyes steadily open.
“I’m getting a little rusty aren’t I?” he smiles sheepishly, tousling his hair. I just stare at him.
How could someone as talented as him, as loved as him be taken away so easily?
“It’s getting late. Let’s go home.” It feels so nostalgic. Before, my brother loved taking night
walks. He said that it helped soothe his mind; ease away the stress; make him forget his troubles.
I always followed him like a lost little puppy but never understood what he meant. Now I know.
Nevertheless walking wasn’t enough for me; I had run to hide from my problems.
As we near the small tourist buildings, I hear noise. Clattering, crying, cussing.
The expression on my brother’s face has darkened. He glowers at a spot in the distance. He’s
never been good at facing his issues either.
