A
scientist has invented angle-changing glasses
for people suffering from a terrifying modern
disease: terminal laziness. As a long-term
sufferer, I would shed tears of happiness but it’s
just too much effort, as indeed is everything else.
Say you’re lying in bed and something worth looking
at appears in your room. Perhaps your favourite TV show
starts, or Megan Fox wanders into your bedroom and asks
you if you think she looks good in her new string micro-
bikini (you wouldn’t BELIEVE how often this happens to
me).
In the past, you would have had to lift your head
several centimetres to take a look. What a royal pain! No
longer. Now you simply slip on your Gorodey Two angle-
changing glasses from Sanco online store in Japan. They
contain tiny periscopes so that your head stays completely
flat on the pillow but at the same time you can see down
past your feet in perfect focus.
“Looks OK, Megan, but let me see you in two dozen
similar outfits before I give my final verdict,” I would reply.
“We don’t want to rush this.”
Incidentally, there seems to be a whole industry
making innovative eyewear in Japan. Consider the glasses
that claim to give East Asians eyes like those of Westerners
and South Asians.
“It’s a glasses frame with two wire loops sticking up,”
said a reader named Hiroto, who sent me a link to it. The
loop gently presses into the skin, giving Chinese, Japanese
and Korean people a curved eyelid fold above the eyeball
and below the eyebrow.
Does it work? Volunteers who tested it for Japanese
website Rocketnews24 say that: a) You look really stupid
wearing the glasses, and b) As soon as you take the glasses
off, the crease disappears. Any other options?
I phoned a doctor friend who told me all humans had
the same eyelids, but changes in size and shape make them
appear different: East Asian eyelids start at the crease
about three millimetres above the eyelashes, while Western
and South Asian eyelids are seven to 11 millimetres above
the eyelashes.
Help for the
terminally lazy
When it comes to work-life balance, some of us
are lost causes, says father-of-three
Nury Vittachi
.
So I told Hiroto, a Buddhist, that there were other ways
he could achieve the same goal: 1) Commit some horrible
sin so he will be reincarnated as a lower form of life, such as
a Westerner or South Asian; 2) If having massive eyelids is
really important, he could commit LOADS of horrible sins
and get reincarnated as a chameleon.
Talking of eyelids, I once did a newspaper contest to
find the strangest pop song lyric in this part of the world,
and the winner was “Single-Eyelid Girl” by the China
Dolls, a group from Thailand.
The lyrics were about a girl who falls in love with
a boy who only likes “double-eyelid girls”: “The boy at
the table opposite us is here again today; look at his eyes,
what amazing confidence. But I’ve heard that he only likes
double-eyelid girls! With my single eyelid, I have no
choice.”
I would shed tears of
happiness, but it’s just too
much effort.
The song conjures up a vision of a Cyclops-like girl
sitting in a restaurant with one huge eye in the middle of
her forehead. I’ve never actually seen the lead singer of the
China Dolls, so perhaps that IS what she looks like.
Whatever. Anyway, I am almost reaching the end of
this column, so with regard to maintaining a good work-life
balance, I now have two choices. I could just lazily grind
to a halt. Or, I could put some effort into thinking of some
devastatingly funny closing line. I think I’ll… never mind.
Bye. Wake me up if Megan Fox pops round.
Nury Vittachi welcomes ideas and comments via
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