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J
apan is the world’s most polite place. When I took
my family there, we noticed that 90 per cent of
utterances consisted of the phrase “thank you”.
Many residents live their whole lives without saying
anything else.
The tricky thing is that “thank you” in Japanese is
12 syllables long. “Doumo arigato gozaimashita.” I tried
repeatedly to say it on my recent visit to the country, but
only succeeded in getting all the way to the end once —
by which time, the train doors had closed and the person I
was thanking was several kilometers away. That’s because
Japanese trains move at the speed of light. You’ve barely
sat down when the train announcer is saying: “We will
be arriving in Tokyo in one minute. Stay on the train for a
further minute if you wish to get off at the following stop,
Australia.” Any train driver who puts his brakes down a
fraction of a second late ends up screeching to a halt in
Antarctica.
It’s vital for you and your children to learn the words for
thank you, because Japanese people express gratitude
for everything and expect you to do the same. Whether
you buy something, eat something or stand on someone’s
foot, the person will bow and express deep gratitude.
“Thank you for standing on my foot.”
Japanese bank robberies proceed as follows. BANK
ROBBERS: “Thank you for the loot we are stealing.”
TELLERS: “No problem. Thank you for choosing us for
your stealing needs. Come again.”
The bad thing is that robbing banks is pretty much a
must. Everything in Japan is so expensive that foreigners
really cannot get by for long without considering major
crime sprees. To buy a one-day rail pass, you have to
remortgage your house. For a two-day rail pass, you have
to additionally give up your first-born. (Some parents are
delighted.)
In fact, even during periods when the Yen exchange
rate falls, the whole money thing remains a serious
problem. Japan has one thing in common with primitive
human societies such as those from the jungles of Papua
and the bars of Queensland. Outside the main cities, you
can’t buy anything with cards. Only cash is accepted.
Politeness please
One phrase is all you need to survive in
Japan, says father-of-three
Nury Vittachi
.
Since I spend most of my time in Hong Kong, where
MONEY is not accepted in many places, it was a shocker
to be in a place where the hotel manager wanted a cash
payment equivalent to the value of the Greek debt before
he agreed to release my lunch (a live octopus) to me. I
asked him to point me to an ATM machine. “There’s only
one in this town,” he said. “And it closes at 2pm so you’d
better hurry.” I would have said thank you, but by then the
ATM would definitely have closed.
The only disaster was the day I took my two daughters
skiing, completely forgetting that none of us could ski. We
proceeded acrobatically down a mountain on heads and
bottoms until we ended up at a cliff edge. A blizzard hit
the mountain and all the chair-lifts stopped. There was no
way up, and going down or staying still was certain death.
What to do?
Luckily a man with a ski-mobile appeared and whisked
the three of us to safety. I tried to say thank you but he
was home and in bed before I was halfway through.
Nury welcomes your comments and ideas at his Facebook
page:
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