I
’m at work listening to the
“Yellow River Concerto” and
marking students’ coursework on
the same subject, but my focus
is not what it should be. At home, my
three-week-old baby is charming his
mum and grandparents with yawns
and little waves. Being with him
restores balance to the mind as I hone
my fatherhood skills.
In February 2014, the Legislative
Council tabled and later approved
a bill which gives dads three days at
home with their newborns. I was lucky,
my company gave me five days and I
then had a two-week holiday.
Going back to work when my son
was three days old would have been
heart-wrenching. Collecting your
new little family from the hospital is
a bewildering day, but as fatherhood
starts you accept a type of love you
didn’t know possible. I had time to
decode the cries and practice dodging
bodily fluids, but if I’d had just three
days I would have felt guilty leaving
my young family so soon.
Mums get a bit more time with
baby before having to go back to work
and so become the childcare expert.
Dads sitting in meetings about data
management three days after their
baby is born don’t have time to carve
out a fatherly role for themselves or
really bond with their little one before
being snatched back to work.
Nurturing the bond
My father-in-law, an Irish, rugby-
playing builder who raised four
wonderful people gave me some
advice: “Fatherhood is like most
things in life – you get out what you
put in and bonding is easier when you
have got shared memories. Take your
family for days out, have fun together
and make sure you give your children
a sense of worth.” Good advice, but
it is big picture stuff. So how do dads
make sure that they don’t become a
spare part when caring for a child who
hasn’t yet learnt to kick a ball?
Midwife Karin Siegler believes,
“Some people have a romantic idea
about bonding with little babies but it
happens all the time. Whether you are
sick or tired you still need to look after
your little one, and going through the
daily routine provides the basis for a
stable family bond.”
“In the first few days after birth a
dad’s role is vital. Giving birth and
nursing is tiring and Mum needs to
rest, so Dad should take on all the
other jobs. At this time, dads change
nappies better than mums and are able
to burp and calm baby down faster
because they don’t smell like breast
milk.”
How to be a dad
in three days
Giving dads just three days at home with their newborn
baby is nowhere near enough to get to grips with all
that new daddyhood entails, writes
Joe Travers
.
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