S
hortly after selling Bumble Tots
indoor playground in 2013,
former lawyer turned business
owner Amy Wong realised she
was pregnant with her third child. The
discovery unnerved her.
“For the first time in my life, I was
doing nothing (other than growing a
baby inside me) and I found this very
difficult. I was no longer a lawyer
or business owner. Now I was just a
pregnant stay-at-home mum and I
had real issues with this. My identity
was completely lost,” recalls Amy
who, in 2010, had resigned from her
seven-year tenure as a lawyer to set up
Bumble Tots – a place where she could
work and spend time with her then
three-year-old twins.
Losing her professional identity
was also a source of angst for former
Deloitte Director Kully Jaswal when
she took a career break to accompany
her husband on an expat assignment
to Hong Kong six years ago.
“My career was a huge part of
my life in the UK so when we first
moved, I tried to find part-time
work within professional services but
struggled to find something that would
suit my family needs and my needs
from a career perspective. I feared
being labelled the ‘trailing spouse’ or
‘expat wife’ and being stuck with this
identity,” says the mother of two, who
has since founded Ignition Coaching,
If you leave the world of work, you leave your professional
identity behind, and this can be a difficult adjustment for
many stay-at-home parents, says
Angela Baura.
which offers career, executive and
wellness coaching.
Big challenges
Whilst the number of male
accompanying partners and stay-at-
home dads is on the rise, the majority
of parents who forfeit their careers for
their family continues to be women.
In an era of ‘have it all’, women are
continually faced with the dilemma
of progressing further up the career
ladder or stepping down for the sake of
their family.
When women put their careers
on the back burner to become an
accompanying partner or stay at
home mum (SAHM), they face a few
big challenges, observes Dr Kate
Threlfall, Clinical Psychologist at
Central Health Medical Practice.
“The first and most impactful
is that they give up the self-esteem
and positive reinforcement they are
accustomed to receiving from a job
well done. The second is that people
often create their social circle at least
in part through work. Lastly, being
the trailing spouse or stay-at-home
parent generally means financial
dependence on their partner. This can
negatively impact on a person who is
accustomed to earning an income as
well as shift the division of power in a
relationship,” says Kate.
While Amy’s feelings of despair
have dissipated since the birth of her
daughter a year ago, she still struggles
with her sense of self-worth.
“All my life I had been a
high achiever academically and
professionally, until I had children. I
used to have a career earning good
money and now I do not. I feel I do not
have full control over my life now and
am reliant on my husband financially.
As a professional there was always a
defined ladder to climb and a path to
follow. Now I sometimes feel lost and
wonder (and feel as though I should be
planning) what I will be doing next.”
Stereotypes
Stereotypical attitudes toward
SAHMs and an ignorance of their role
strike the greatest blow to their self-
esteem, notes Amy.
“The main struggle women
have with being labelled a SAHM is
experiencing the switch from once
being highly regarded in a profession,
having intelligent conversations,
earning money and going to fancy
work events, to it now being assumed
that you have no brains, only have
an interest in talking about kids,
schools, helpers and spas, and going
to endless playdates.”
Like many families in Hong Kong,
Amy employs a domestic helper to assist
in the household chores. As a result,
she says, people grossly underestimate
Who do you think
you are?
March 2015
41
