Leaking bosoms, flabby flesh and dark shadows under
your eyes may leave you feeling dowdy and unattractive.
Handing diaper duties to Dad while you make time for
a pamper session or two can boost your mood. For Anne
Boyd, Hong Kong’s favourite pastime proved the right
answer. “After my baby was born, I went shopping for some
really nice, expensive maternity underwear and found
–
much to my surprise – that it put the sparkle back into
our relationship and gave me the confidence to approach
intimacy again. I felt at least semi-attractive,” she says.
Kelly and her husband committed to spending time
trying to understand each other’s different needs, and time
has proved a healer. Two years later, she says her libido
has improved, with the couple’s sex life headed towards
something that satisfies both of their needs. For anyone
in the same position, she advises not to give up. “It’s
important to keep on trying.”
Off balance
While tiredness and excessive touch can be two leading
reasons for lost libido, many hold hormones most
accountable. Women who breastfeed may feel the effects
of low oestrogen levels – the vagina can be dry and sex
painful. The condition can become severe, when it is called
“
atrophic vaginitis”.
The vagina shrinks, says Dr Lucy Lord, a specialist in
obstetrics and gynaecology with Central Health Medical
Practice. The longer breastfeeding continues, the more it
shrinks. “I’ve seen cases where breastfeeding has continued
for two years and you wouldn’t get a pencil into the
vagina,” says Lucy.
Atrophic vaginitis can be treated with oestrogen
creams, and in some cases birth control pills, with results
presenting in three to four weeks. The vagina should
also return to normal naturally around six months after
breastfeeding stops.
Lucy says a low sex drive after childbirth is normal and
has served as nature’s own birth control. Since it is possible
to get pregnant while nursing, making sex uncomfortable
offered extra protection. After all, she says, “the god of
evolution doesn’t care if sex is good; he just cares if you are
getting pregnant.”
Recent calls for women to breastfeed for longer may
not be helping the situation. Women are in danger of
prioritising baby’s feeding over the needs of the family
unit, says Lucy. Those who would feel guilty giving up
breastfeeding may instead continue and experience painful
Kelly and her husband
committed to spending time
trying to understand each
other’s different needs, and
time has proved a healer.
Mind games
But all the sex toys, clothes or massages in the world won’t
help underlying issues. For some, first-time sex after baby is
not the problem – it’s what comes after that. “I expected the
changes to be most significant in the first couple of months
after childbirth and related to the pain of giving birth,”
says Kelly Lo, a mum to two girls. “But for us, particularly
the second time around, that was minor.”
Instead, Kelly found her libido severely lacking and
seriously affecting her relationship. “A lot was due to
tiredness, and just due to being hugged by kids all day long.
I didn’t need or want to have that physical touch from my
husband so much,” she says.
After numerous fights over the subject, Kelly decided
on a “never say no” approach that, surprisingly, failed.
“
This left my husband feeling as though I didn’t care about
sex, which turned him off even more.”
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