payments. And that’s what happened
to Tracey’s ex-partner. In 2004, when
Aaron was five years old, they started
to receive the first child maintenance
payments.
A village of one
While the majority of single parenting
advice suggests reaching out to your
extended family members for support,
for those whose extended families
live in a different country, finding a
support network can be all the more
challenging.
Single parents in Hong Kong
often say the reality of bringing up a
child alone hits at the weekends when
the helper may be off, other families
are spending time together, and they
are alone to change the nappies. For
a single parent there is no respite – no
kicking back in the bath while the
other parent prepares dinner or takes
the kids out for an hour. Caroline also
jokes she misses being able to just pop
to the shops for five minutes.
There are organisations to
help, such as the Hong Kong Single
Parents Association and Mother’s
Choice. These days, thanks to social
media, there is the added benefit that
unofficial groups can also be easily
assembled. In an effort to make more
single-parent friends, Caroline set up
Good As New Baby and Single Mums
Hong Kong. “It’s great to share the
load, and not feel like the only single
parent in Hong Kong.”
That’s not to say that making time
for yourself or going out without your
child is easy. For many single parents,
it’s those important moments of “me
time” that are sacrificed. “When
Aaron was young, I would only stay
out if it was work-related. I didn’t have
a social life for a very long time,” says
Tracey. “I chose to have this baby.
I took it very seriously. I knew right
from the start that someone has to
love this baby and, as his father wasn’t
around, that someone was me.”
And that brings up another
inevitability for single parents:
the day your child asks about the
absent parent. Tracey has some
compassionate advice: “Make sure
you don’t turn your kids against the
other parent. I think the worst thing
is, no matter what has happened, to
let any resentment fall over to the kids.
Always be fair to them.”
Caroline agrees. “I’m going to tell
her the truth – without the unfriendly
bits, of course. Daddy lives in the UK
and he has his own life. Hopefully
I’ll bring her up with so much love,
attention and knowledge, it won’t be
an issue and she’ll happily accept it.”
Being a parent has been
described as life’s biggest lesson, and
yet, for those who don’t have the
traditional set-up we may have been
taught to believe is best for all, it can
be a scary ride, too.
Ever the optimist, Caroline offers
this advice to other people facing single
parenting: “Stay positive, be strong,
have faith and confidence in yourself
as a mum. Don’t fear going it alone.
As long as your babies know they are
loved and you are open and honest
with them, you can’t go wrong. They
will help you get through this time and
there is always light at the end of a dark
tunnel. It just may take some time to
get there. As for being a single mum, if
I can do it, anyone can!”
