and challenges, give them space.”
Individuality is also key. Couples
are made up of two individuals and
that sense of identity must remain
for the dynamic between you to stay
healthy. We all know the importance
of being healthy as an individual, to
ensure we have enough in our tanks
to be our best for the kids and our
partner.
Alone time homework
Do a quick individuality audit – when
was the last time you both went out
with friends solo? Or took yourself
to the movies or for a dip at the
beach alone? Put this area under the
microscope and see if you need to
schedule some alone time.
Communication
Effective communication is key, and
is often lacking. Back and forth is a
common communication style and
it’s ineffective. Dr Ghazi says if there
is one thing couples should do, it’s
this: learn the art of listening with
empathy; truly listening and being
heard. And it’s harder than you think.
Communication homework
Here is a great little exercise for you
to try. Sit down together and set
time aside to have an uninterrupted
conversation.
Step 1:
Person one talks, and person
two really listens – no interrupting,
no advice-giving, no point-by-point
rebuttal, no solutions to be offered. Just
listen until the speaker finishes what
they have to say.
Step 2:
When person one is finished,
person two replies with an experience
that relates to the information person
one just shared. This should not be a
direct reply or correction or suggestion
to that information, but simply sharing
their own feelings and experience.
Step 3:
Take turns until both partners
feel closure.
Aim to have these empathy listening
sessions at least once a week. Better
still, have the dialogue on your date
night.
Talking about sex
Keeping your channels of
communication open about sex is
imperative, advises Dr Ghazi. Sex
changes after babies, so talk about it
to make sure you and your partner
are on the same page. Cast your mind
back and take inspiration from when
you were dating – what did your
partner love?
Dr Ghazi implores dads to take the
opportunity to stay in bed after sex
and reconnect like they did when they
were first dating. Jumping straight
into the shower interrupts the flow
of intimacy and perhaps leaves the
wife feeling hurt and unfulfilled. And
he also reminds us about the power
of a quickie – it can be thrilling and
satisfying, and it doesn’t take very long.
Intimacy homework
Plan a date night at least once a week.
Get excited about having alone time
together, eating out and, if the mood
calls for it, getting intimate. Research
has shown that married couples who
engage in more frequent sex tend to be
happier.
Flexibility
Success will only be achieved with a
flexible approach. Life happens, so
roll with the punches. What works
and looks do-able this week may not
eventuate next week – kids get sick,
one-off work emergencies happen,
extended family and friends will
inevitably need us. Stay flexible but
focused and committed.
May 2015
49
