through assisted conception. Children
can be surprisingly aware, hence we
don’t suggest waiting until a child
reaches adulthood to share information.”
The advice offered by experts
is to introduce the idea of assisted
conception very early on, with the
level of detail increasing as the child’s
reproductive knowledge increases.
Lana Smith, mother to two children
conceived via IVF using a donor,
says, “We always had a plan that our
kids would be very young when we
told them, so that there was never
a shocking ‘moment of truth.’ If you
start telling the story early then it just
grows layer by layer as they get older;
it is never a shock or a surprise, just
part of their story.” In the beginning the
information can be very basic, simply
that parents sometimes need help to
have a baby. Lana and her husband first
introduced the idea of donor assisted
conception when their eldest was
around three: “We told her that mummy
and daddy really wanted a baby, but it
was a bit like making a cake – we had
some ingredients but we were missing
something important. We went to a
doctor and he helped us to borrow that
ingredient. It was a little abstract, but
she liked the story.”
The concepts can even be introduced
from birth with the help of a ‘life story
book,’ suggests Tracey, which can be
read to children even before they can
speak. This simple scrapbook consists
of photos such as the parent/s exploring
options around parenting; a photo at
the clinic; the doctor recommending
that help would be needed; a smiling
photo with the pregnancy test; scans;
pregnancy pictures; then onwards into
family life. With eight to ten pictures of
each year moving forwards, this tool
creates a factual account of life from
pre-conception. The scrapbook can
serve as a starting point for questions
and answers – with the simple text and
photos remaining the same, but the
answers to questions evolving as the
child grows.
Approaching the topic in a positive
way is key. IVF is a highly stressful
process for most parents and ‘test tube
babies’ have at times been portrayed
in a negative light by the media. It's no
surprise that a parent’s remembered
pain or frustration could come across in
discussions unintentionally. Australian-
registered psychologist, Sophie
Mitchell, advises that: “A child will pick
up a good deal of information from their
parent’s non-verbal cues, such as their
body language and tone of voice. When
talking to their child about IVF treatment
it's preferable for the parent to use a
confident, matter-of-fact manner, even if
they're feeling anxious.”
Anya Sizer, mother to two children
conceived by IVF, and an adopted son,
has discussed IVF with her children
November 2016
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