November 2013
71
that co-sleeping will increase the
chances of SIDS; on the other, that
co-sleeping can actually reduce the
risk of SIDS. Mums who have given
birth at private and public hospitals
in Hong Kong, including Matilda
International Hospital and Queen
Mary Hospital, report back how they
were reprimanded by hospital staff if
they brought their babies into bed with
them and were told – in no uncertain
terms – not to co-sleep. No wonder
parents who do choose to co-sleep feel
reluctant to advertise it.
Close encounters
Yet, ask many Hong Kong mums
discreetly, and you’ll find that co-
sleeping is more common than you
might expect. Many parents are co-
sleeping with their babies – they’re just
not telling their friends, in-laws and
doctors.
So why would a parent, who does
not have the cultural pressures to keep
their baby in the same room or bed,
choose to co-sleep?
Hulda Thorey, a registered Hong
Kong midwife and director and
founder of Annerley, has co-slept with
all four of her children. “In the first
days, co-sleeping was not a concept for
us. It was just the most natural way.
We wanted them nearby; otherwise,
we were constantly waking up and
checking them,” she says.
“Co-sleeping for me is not a
lifestyle. It is the most natural thing
for me when you are a busy full-
time working mother who likes to
breastfeed for months,” Hulda says.
Both she and her husband have
always agreed. “We have no ‘hippy’
tendencies – we just both love the
sight of their faces next to us when we
wake up and they see us.”
It’s this sentiment, of not following
a sleeping concept or routine, that led
Becca Marthinuessen to discover her
family were natural co-sleepers, too.
“When I first had my baby girl,
I tried to follow the Baby Whisperer
routine by Tracy Hogg. It did not
work for any of us at all. My baby was
hungry and we were both exhausted
all the time. I naturally started lying
down, wondering if I could feed her
at the same time. This nursing while
lying down turned into us co-sleeping
at night too,” Becca says.
Becca discovered
The Baby
Book
by Dr Sears, a philosophy
which promotes co-sleeping and
attachment parenting. “That changed
everything,” she says. “I started to
apply his techniques and it all worked.
[The baby] gained weight, we were
all sleeping better, and everyone was
saying, ‘Your baby looks so much
happier’.”
Of course, you need to provide a
safe sleeping environment. Hulda says,
“Make sure they don’t fall off the bed,
make sure quilts cannot cover them,
make sure the air quality is good and
they sleep on their back. Don’t take
medicine or alcohol before sleeping.
Then, once they are older they’ll take
over the bed. You’ll have no control
and have to think about your own
safety: not to get kicked in the face!”
Deborah Taylor is a Hong Kong-
based infant and child sleep consultant
at Infant Sleep Resources, and agrees
that “co-sleeping is a marvellous way
to enhance bonding, and makes night
breastfeeding much easier for the mum
and baby. Many babies and toddlers
co-sleep and do not have sleep and
settling problems.”
As well as cautioning to create
a safe sleeping environment, where
the baby cannot fall out of bed and
no blankets or pillows can fall on her
head, Deborah also advises parents
to “be mindful to the possible pitfalls
in terms of sleep associations if your
aim is for your baby to be able to find
their own happy, independent and
comfortable way of settling going
forward. It can become a challenge if
your baby or toddler will only settle to
sleep if he’s in bed with his parents,”
she says.
Different strokes
It seems that even when co-sleeping
works for one child, it doesn’t
necessarily mean it will work as well
for another.
Tara Chang has two children,
aged four years and 14 months.
“Co-sleeping with my older son was
the most beautiful thing ever. We’d
turn in to face each other, snuggle and
we would sleep comfortably. When
he was hungry or needed comforting
in the night he’d ‘help himself’,” she
jokes. “But with my daughter, it’s such
a different situation. I do move her
into bed with me for the last feed of
the night, but she sleeps much better
in her cot and with her comforter.”
Every child will have different
sleeping preferences, just as parents
may need different sleeping
arrangements depending on
circumstances and changes in their
own lives. If a mother goes back to
work for her second child, for example,
she may take this as a cue to start
or stop a co-sleeping routine. There
does not have to be one cookie-cutter
approach to sleep if it’s not working
for you.
Which brings Becca back to the
response she and other co-sleepers
sometimes encounter when telling
friends. “It’s such a weird reaction. I
don’t understand why there is so much
judgement for different types
of parenting. People don’t understand
how happy and normal co-sleeping
is for us,” she says. “Wouldn’t it be
boring if we all parented the same
way?”
