the issue together in the classroom.
But, bullying isn’t always that
easy to deal with, and as children
grow older it can become more and
more difficult. Older children tend
to internalise their feelings, and we
parents often feel helpless, especially if
our children don’t want to talk about
what’s happening to them. Bullying
and its psychological effects can have
long-lasting ramifications and take
many years to recover from, but
building self-esteem, resilience and
a child’s coping skills will help them
avoid the negative impacts of bullying,
whatever their age.
What is bullying?
It’s important to understand firstly
that there is a distinct difference
between being a bully and simply
being mean. Being labelled a bully
can be just as detrimental for a child’s
self-esteem as being the victim of
teasing and tormenting, so make sure
you establish the difference between
the two with your children. Calling
someone a nasty name, excluding
them from play, or laughing at the
clothes they’re wearing may not
be very nice, but if they only occur
once or twice, they’re not generally
malicious enough to be considered
bullying. An excellent resource for
parents, the anti-bullying website
StopBullying.gov, defines bullying
as “unwanted, aggressive behaviour
among school-aged children that
involves a real or perceived power
imbalance. The behaviour is repeated,
or has the potential to be repeated,
over time.”
Everyone experiences bullies or
bullying at some point in their lives.
For me, it was at the age of nine, a
time when girls can be particularly
cruel. Another friend described the
horrors of being relentlessly harassed
as the only gay student in a small-
town school. Some of us have known
bosses, colleagues or neighbours
as adults who could be considered
bullies, and there are probably a few
among us who were once upon a time
not the victim, but the one responsible
for another’s pain and suffering.
Whatever your story, your
experience will help your children
to understand that they are not
alone and that as unpleasant as this
behaviour is, it can be overcome.
Bullying is often a result of a
complex social situation and is rarely
about the victim, but rather more of a
reflection on the bully and how they
see themselves.
Fortunately, bullying seems to
be less prevalent here in Hong Kong
than in a number of other countries,
but it does exist. Psychologist John
Shanahan says, “When it does
happen, it is generally more mild, or
more verbal or psychological than
physical.” Mindquest founder and
counsellor Justine Campbell agrees:
“It’s a different form of bullying here,
very subtle. It usually doesn’t occur
on playgrounds as you would see in
places like the UK and Australia,
