develop communication frustration
and associated tantrums, says David
Sheehan, director of the Child and
Family Development Practice. In the
long-term, children are more able to
build strong, trusting relationships
with each other.
As they steer through the choppy
waters of adolescence, children with
good communication skills are better
equipped to maintain a harmonious
relationship with parents. “As children
get older and start to develop their
own sense of self and independent
identity, there comes a time when
teens and adults may struggle with
each other. Interaction at this time can
be highly emotive and, as such, clear
communication is very important
for conflict resolution. Children who
have been developing these skills from
childhood are often best prepared to
talk and discuss things assertively,”
David says.
Children who are taught to
communicate effectively are also
more likely to share with their parents
any concerns that they may have at
different stages of life, according to
Hardeep Jandu, a mother of two teens,
aged 17 and 13. She believes that open
communication between children
and their parents can help them to
make sound judgements when forming
their own relationships. “Children
must always be safe and secure in the
knowledge that they can confide in the
adult anything that may be worrying
them, no matter how insignificant or
extreme the worry may be,” she says.
As children become adults and
enter the workplace, they will need to
know how to converse with colleagues
who are more seasoned in their
professional careers, says Therese. “It’s
important for them to be able to speak
with confidence, poise, and to have a
sense of humility when speaking with
those who are older than they are.”
Speaking with respect
When it comes to encouraging
children to speak respectfully,
according to Patrick, children will
respect those who respect them. “One
cannot demand that a child or student
respects you. That theory and practice
has run its course. It’s of the dark ages.
Engage a child in a respectful manner
and they will return that respect,” he
says.
Oenone Dale, mother of five
children aged 17, 15, 13, 11 and seven,
has taught her children to be polite
when they meet adults, to look at the
adult when being spoken to and to
answer questions more thoroughly
than just “yes” and “no”. “I started
teaching my children around the age
of seven the importance of looking
into an adult’s eyes and shaking hands.
I was raised the same way,” Oenone
says. “When we went on holiday
recently with all five, we met two older
Australian couples at our lodge. My
children shook hands with them and
chatted about what they had seen
and loved about their holiday. Later,
both couples took me aside and told
me what wonderful children I had.
It turned out they were teachers, so I
felt doubly proud and thrilled that 17
years of reminding them to look up,
shake hands and be polite had finally
paid off!”
Saying “hello” instead of “hey”
or “hi”, “may I”, “please”, “excuse
me”, “thank you”, and responding
when being asked a question are all
fundamental signs of respect when
children speak to adults, says Bernice
Lee, director at ELI, The Etiquette
and Leadership Institute. Earlier
this year, Bernice started the Hong
Kong Etiquette for Kids Meetup – a
resource for parents who recognise
that good social skills can empower
a young person to achieve personal
success.
As children mature, so too can
their use of respectful communication.
Primary school children can be taught
to use honorifics such as Mr, Mrs,
Ms and Dr, whilst tweens can learn
about which topics are appropriate
or not, chit-chatting and how to
politely end and exit a conversation.
They may need to be reminded
that whispering may be hurtful to
those who are excluded. Teenagers
can fine-tune all of these skills,
advises Bernice, who explains that,
at this stage, self-introductions and
making conversation are particularly
important for future public speaking,
job interviews and professional
interactions.
A safe space
Irrespective of age, “children will
speak with engagement, passion and
disarming honesty when provided
with a safe climate in which to
communicate,” says Patrick.
Therese likens the nervousness that
children can feel when conversing
with an adult to that which an adult
may feel when entering a room full of
500 new people. She suggests asking
questions to your child who is in front
of an adult to help them to open up.
Giving children the words such
as “Hello, my name is,” can also
ease children into a conversation. If
children stumble or freeze, rescue
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