frequently of headaches or stomach
aches to get out of going to school. In
some cases, they may genuinely feel ill
if they are distressed. Older children
in particular are prone to self-
harm, which needs to be addressed
immediately.
Above all, the best way to find out
if your child is being bullied is to talk
to them. Get into the habit of talking
to your child after school from an
early age. Make it part of their day
and they will be more likely to feel
comfortable talking to you when they
are having problems. Ask open-ended
questions, such as, “What did you talk
about with your friends at lunch?”
or “What was your favourite/least
favourite part of the day?” which help
avoid one-word answers like “fine”.
How can you help?
The single most important thing you
can do to help your kids deal with
bullying is to be there for them, and
you can begin by empathising with
them. John Shanahan says, “If your
child is brave enough to tell you that
they are being bullied, it is important
to validate their feelings. Reassure
them that it is not their fault, that no
one deserves to get bullied, and that
they are being brave for talking about
it. Older children often experience
embarrassment, especially if they
think you may involve their teacher.”
While it can be tempting to rush in
and fix it, or to deal with the bullies
yourself, let your child know that you
are on their side and that you will
work through it together.
Bullies who have low self-esteem
don’t typically pick on kids their own
size. Intimidating younger, weaker
or smaller children gives them the
feeling of control and power that they
crave. It can be hard to impress upon
the victims of bullying that it isn’t
necessarily about them, but there are
ways that they can change their own
behaviour that will help them to beat
the bullies.
Children with low self-esteem are
often picked on, as their lack of self-
confidence makes them vulnerable
and open to attack. These are the kids
who often say things like, “No one
likes me,” “I’m so stupid,” and the
heart-breaking, “I wish I hadn’t been
born.” According to developmental
psychologist Lora Lee, “The best
thing parents can do is to build a
child’s social and emotional resilience.
If a child is being bullied, you need to
re-program the child’s negative and
powerless attitude about themselves
to empower the child to no longer act
like a victim.”
Help them practise confidence:
Teaching your child to act and look
assertive by standing up tall, with
their shoulders back, head up, and
making eye contact can have a big
impact. Encourage them to use “I”
statements: “I need you to stop picking
on me. I do not like it.” They need to
understand that they have a right to
stand up for themselves and that they
need never put up with bullying.
Justine Campbell suggests that
children need to learn how to use
their voices, how to speak up and
not be afraid of doing so. You can
teach them to be assertive in non-
threatening situations, either in real
life or through role-play, so that when
they are threatened they have the
confidence to handle it. Justine uses
the example of being in a restaurant
and getting a chocolate milkshake
instead of the vanilla one your child
ordered. Moments like these can
be the perfect teaching opportunity
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