that safety net to catch them if they
falter.
How long’s the lead?
Heading out independently is another
area of disagreement among parents
and kids. Hong Kong offers a safe
environment for young people, and
parents can sometimes be lulled into
a false sense of security. Nevertheless,
parents and kids need to be in
agreement regarding expectations. At
our home, we’ve always had four basic
rules once our kids were old enough
to travel on their own. Without fail,
Mum and Dad always need to know
1) where you are; 2) who you are
with; 3) what you are doing; and 4)
when we’ve agreed you’ll be home.
No discussion. If we find out that you
weren’t truthful, or if at any time we
don’t know those things, we would
have to review whether you were ready
to be out on your own. Be prepared for
that rope to be pulled back in again
for a while.
Where do you start? First of
all, remember that you know your
children best. Just because their
friends are heading out in taxis to
meet at the mall, and just because
your pre-teen is begging you to let
her go too, it doesn’t mean your
child is ready. Have an open, honest
conversation with your partner about
your concerns so everyone is on the
same page. Have the same open,
honest conversation with your child
about their wishes and where you’re
willing to start. Go slowly, and be sure
to run through scenarios so kids know
what to expect – what to do if the taxi
breaks down, who to call next if they
need you and you can’t be reached.
And be sure they know your address
and phone number (and preferably be
able to share that in Cantonese!).
Keeping in touch as your pre-teen
is out and about is where technology
can really shine. In addition to
keeping you informed about their
plans, you can often get a 12-year-
old to share details about a touchy
subject through a text rather than
an uncomfortable face-to-face
conversation. Being flexible about how
you communicate and open to their
preferences sets the stage for keeping
the channels of communication
open as they enter their teen years.
Snapchat? Instagram? WhatsApp?
Viber? If you’re comfortable with your
tween using the technology, download
it yourself and add it to your parenting
toolbox.
Your pre-teen is starting a new
journey – one that you may also
remember. Yes, they’re growing up,
and being the parent of a tween is as
exciting and terrifying as it is being
a tween. Pace yourself, parents, and
don’t let out all the rope at once. But,
as one of the tweens in the survey
noted: “Be understanding and step in
if necessary, but let them make their
own memories.” Those memories will
last a long time.
December 2014
67
