them rather than scolding or brushing
it off with labels such as “she’s shy”.
“It’s all right if they don’t get it right at
first; let them try again and do better
next time,” advises Bernice.
In order to create a safe and
comfortable environment for their
children to continually hone their
conversation skills, Hardeep and her
husband, Kamal, have encouraged
their children to participate in
family discussions. “We have not
excluded them from appropriate adult
conversations from a young age, so
they have grown up familiarised and
knowledgeable in this environment,
thereby making them comfortable
and happy to participate in their own
time,” says Hardeep. The couple
encourages their children to ask any
and as many questions as they like
and, in turn, they ask them questions
and listen to the answers they give.
“While we encourage them to find
their voices, we also ask them to listen
to their own responses to make sure
they know how to handle differences
of opinion while being able to hold
their own in conversations with
adults.”
According to Patrick, a nurturing
school environment also offers
significant opportunities for children
to converse with adults. “If a school
is truly student-centred, then every
adult will contribute to creating and
sustaining an environment in which
students and teachers converse in
a meaningful, open manner all the
time,” he says. “Students need to know
that their voice counts. Schools should
provide formal structures for students
to speak up. A functional student
government and a student newspaper,
for example, are two ways in which,
as a group, students can speak to not
only their peers, but to the adults
responsible for their learning and
emotional well-being.”
Roadblocks and obstacles
“Parents who enrich their
communication time with their
children through proper conversations
can have a positive impact on
communication ability. However,
if these opportunities are neglected
and children are not encouraged to
interact at a higher level, development
may be hindered,” warns David.
He explains that younger children
often get mixed messages from
different adults, which is confusing for
them. “Some adults talk normally and
try to support the child’s developing
speech, whilst other adults will talk
to children in more childish language
and can feel threatened when children
respond in more adult ways.”
Hardeep agrees that children
can find it confusing when trying to
understand what adults are saying or
they may be put off by adults talking
down to them.
Oenone believes that children
may view themselves as a distraction
if their parents spend too much time
chatting to other adults and not
enough time engaging with their
children. Children may then not want
to engage with adults at all. Bernice
advises, “Put the mobile phones away,
turn off the TV and ask about each
other’s day. Help your child discover
the joy of other people’s company.”
It seems that if we want to teach our
children to communicate respectfully,
we have to be good role models.
Bernice concludes, “Speak to children
in a calm, respectful voice and use
positive body language. Choose your
words carefully. Kids observe and
copy very quickly. Whether you’re
talking to your spouse, domestic helper
or doorman, be the person that you
want your child to be.”
December 2014
61
