this example) have consequences (a
poor mark).
An unscientifically selected global
group of ten- to 13-year-olds was
recently asked, “How involved are
your parents with your homework/
assignments?” Nearly 70 per cent
responded with, “They know if there’s
a big project, but don’t follow the little
things”. In a follow-up question, all the
kids preferred that their parents stay
informed but on the sidelines, with
two wishing their parents would just
“let them get on with it.” However,
when asked, “If someone your age was
regularly not getting their schoolwork
done, do you think their parents
should step in, or let him/her get a
bad grade?” Seventy per cent thought
that was when parents should take
some action. (And, yes, I was the one
asking the questions, to a group of my
kids’ friends.)
Alfie Kohn says, “…how hurtful
does an experience have to be before
an adult is allowed to step in to help?
Not so long ago, humiliation – even
physical abuse – at the hands of bullies
was regarded as a rite of passage that
kids were expected to deal with by
themselves – without assistance from
‘overprotective’ teachers and parents.
The talk about toughening them up
and forcing them to learn how to
handle problems on their own isn’t
so different from the BGUTI (better
get used to it) rhetoric that’s still used
today to justify painful experiences.”
It’s no surprise that while our
boundary-pushing youngsters want
some more freedom, they need, and
want, to be reassured that there’s still
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