Can we talk?
Broaching the subject of plans for sickness or death is a tough
conversation to have with ageing parents at the best of times, but when
you’re halfway around the world, the task can seem enormous. To help,
Rebecca Simpson
talked to the experts to find out how best to do it.
“Ask yourself, Why do you want
to have this conversation, and why
now? Write down the reasons. Have
you noticed something? For how
long? What has happened – an
incident, or sharing your concerns
among friends? Have clarity about
the concerns and risks you’ve been
considering, and be clear about what
you think can be done.”
This will help shape your
conversation and create the best
communication path for a delicate
subject. Know what you want out of
a conversation with your parents or
in-laws.
Talk it over
No one wants to hear they’re getting
old. Or think too much about losing
a parent. And a lot of parents don’t
want their children to worry about
them. These conditions create the
perfect storm for stalling when it
comes to estate planning and crafting
healthcare directives. Despite this, it’s
very important that you understand
your parents’ estate planning and
medical wishes, sooner rather than
later. Knowing your parents’ wishes,
H
aving family at arm’s
reach is either the best
or worst part of being
an expat, depending on
who you talk to. Bring up the topic
of family at Sunday brunch in Hong
Kong and you’re as likely to hear
tales of cherished long summers with
grandparents as horror stories of
manic Christmas visits to unsatisfied,
ungrateful friends and family.
Whichever camp you fall into,
even the most mentally removed
expats have to confront their family
affairs in the end. Often, that end
is the raw reality of ageing and sick
parents, or the sheer devastation of
losing someone back home while
you’re abroad. The process will never
be particularly pleasant, but with
a conversation and a little forward
planning, your parents and family
will get the best of you in those
inevitable dark days.
First things first
“The first conversation you need to
have is with yourself,” suggests Dr
Jenifer Chan, a psychiatrist with a
special interest in psychogeriatrics.
