For those of us living far from home, when we travel
back to visit family, it might be sibling spats that
greet us at the airport, writes
Rebecca Simpson.
A
s our parents age, they
require more support. And,
according to Francine
Russo, author of
They’re Your
Parents, Too!
, in 90 per cent of families,
one sibling steps up to shoulder the
majority of the caregiving burden. If
you’re not living in the same town, or
even on the same continent as your
family, you’re probably not the one
taking on that role. Couple the pressure
and tension this unequal division of
labour brings with the 40 or so years of
sibling rivalry already under your belts,
and you could be looking at Christmas
Day meltdowns for years to come.
If you’re lucky enough to be in the
ten per cent of families who have been
entirely democratic and diligent in
dispersing caregiver responsibilities, it’s
probably safe to assume you’re all very
close and loving towards one another.
But even that is fraught: you’ll feel terribly
guilty and desperate to figure out how
to lend your support from halfway round
the world.
Dealing with the stress of your
parents’ ongoing care or sudden
Sharing
the caring
illness can rekindle old rivalries and
see us regress into sibling roles from our
childhood. Through the haze of emotions,
it’s important to keep our eye on the
prize: cherishing the time we have left
with our parents. We’re best poised to
achieve the goal if we can settle the
tension with our siblings.
This is not an easy challenge,
especially for expats. But, with some
awareness and pre-planning, it is possible
to ensure everyone is working together.
A successful start
Your life may already seem exotic and
carefree to the family back home. Then,
when additional burdens of day-to-
day care of ailing parents arise, your
siblings may feel you’ve been “let off the
hook” again. This is a common dynamic
between siblings when not everyone lives
close to the parents. If moving back and
shouldering the burden isn’t an option, it’s
even more important to jump in with two
feet and actively participate in discussions
about care management from the very
outset. This will help to ensure your siblings
know you’re with them on the journey.
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