There are a few practical ways this
can be achieved:
• Family meeting:
Have a family meeting,
and be open and realistic about
what you can and can’t do. If tensions
are likely to be very high, invite a
moderator – perhaps a family friend or
social worker – to participate.
• Get help:
Do some research and see
what services and help you can get
for your parents, and for your caregiver
siblings. Depending on your budget,
investigate government-run free or
subsidised resources or private full-fee
paid support options.
• Create a mission control:
Set up a
caregiving document you can host
online and share among family
members. In addition to helping keep
track of all the important details of the
care, it can also help keep track of
how much everyone is doing.
• Be available:
Siblings at home are on
the front line. They’ll need an outlet for
their emotions and that’s something
you can easily provide from afar via
Skype or the phone.
• Be aware:
From the very beginning,
listen for calls for help and answer them
clearly. Often caregivers, or those in
the thick of a crisis, don’t make direct
requests for help. Try to read between
the lines and ask again, even if you’ve
been told everything is OK.
Support the front-line sibling
The siblings who have stepped into the
primary caregiver role are on the physical
and emotional front line. If you’re not that
person, it’s important that you recognise
this and begin a dialogue to ensure they
are well supported. According to Penny
Holcome, a registered nurse and aged
care professional who leads the team
at Care3 Aged Care, this can be your
biggest contribution to the home front.
“If there are other siblings sharing the
load, you can provide support to them.
Find out how you can best provide that
support. Ask them,
multiple
times, and
be there for them. Let them know you’re
being mindful of their efforts.” Keep the
communication open and know your
support doesn’t end when an illness does.
Dr Jenifer Chan, a psychiatrist from
The London Medical Clinic, shares,
“Be prepared that sibling relationships
may become more strained due to
misunderstandings. Feelings become
intensified when there’s a crisis at home.
Remember that sometimes, even if you’re
in the same country, not everyone’s load
will be even.”
December 2014
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