I advise dads at the beginning,
“Consider challenging yourself: twice
a month I’m going to meet someone
from Tinder or Hong Kong Cupid.”
It’s only scary until you try it, and
then you realise so many people you
know are doing it.
I know people who met on Tinder
and have been in a relationship
for over a year. It’s just a matter of
getting more comfortable with that.
Are single dads common in
Hong Kong?
I don’t find it’s super common. I
actually think the divorce rate in
Hong Kong is quite low. One of
the reasons for that is that, as we
know, there are lots of naughty
people in Hong Kong. They have
‘extracurricular’ activities.
But there is a population of single
dads. What’s interesting about that in
Hong Kong is that because we have
domestic help they are less isolated
than they would be in other cities.
They can still go out and socialise with
other people, so maybe they don’t
develop the same support system of
other single dads, like they would in
Australia or the US.
What are the challenges for single
dads looking for love again?
There isn’t so much of a stigma on
single dads, especially in the expat
community. Most of the women I
talk to are completely open to dating
a man with kids. I don’t think single
dads should worry about attracting,
it’s about what comes after that. Even
if a girl says, “I’m totally OK with a
man who has kids,” they might not
fully understand the reality of that –
that this guy might not be as flexible
with his schedule. His kids are going
to come first. As the new girlfriend
they may be dealing with the
struggles he has with his ex-wife, and
the kids. It can put a lot of pressure
on the relationship from the get-go
and that’s the biggest challenge.
What’s your advice for single dads?
I’ve got two pieces of advice for those
who are nervous to get back out
there. First, don’t be self-conscious
about being a dad. And second, make
sure you make time for yourself every
month to improve your love life and
dip your toes in the water. It does
get easier, it will start feeling more
normal.
Are single dads a ‘no-go’ zone for
single women without kids?
There are so few great family-
oriented men in Hong Kong. I know
that divorced men and single dads
often fear that women won’t be
interested in them because they come
with lots of baggage. But a girl can
see this is someone who does believe
in family, who gave marriage a shot
and he likes children.
The right kind of women – the
kind of women you can bring around
your children – will see those as
positive attributes.
I always say to single women
without kids, “If this person has been
married before, they’ve probably
learned a lot about what can hurt a
marriage and what can help it. They
know better going into the second
one.”
What’s your advice for dads in
new relationships?
The number one thing is: Don’t
introduce your children to anyone
you are casually dating. That’s the
most important thing; you don’t want
them meeting several different lady
friends.
