You need to be clear with the
woman you are dating from the
beginning, you need to set realistic
expectations, particularly if she
doesn’t have children. This way, she
won’t be surprised if you can’t go for
midnight sushi when she wants to,
or you can’t have her staying over
because your children are there.
Be respectful of your children’s
mother. If things gets serious, if your
new partner is going to be spending
time with your children, it’s nice if
your ex can spend time with your
new partner so she knows who will
be spending time with her children.
Obviously in some circumstances it’s
not feasible, but if possible I highly
recommend it.
Meet the dating dads
David
*
Shortly after the birth of his son,
who is now 2 years old, David and
his ex decided to separate. He’s
braved the dating scene and is
juggling the demands of a toddler
with the expectations of potential
girlfriends. Not an easy feat, but
one that’s made easier by a seeming
rise in single expat women in Hong
Kong, according to David – a timely
increase!
“Before my son, dating in Hong
Kong was interesting but challenging.
It’s more difficult now that I’m a
father because I have less time to
spend on it. One change I’ve noticed
is there are more single expat women,
which is a good thing. Finding
someone who can be a positive
influence on my son as he grows up is
important to me.”
David’s biggest challenges are
finding the time to date, and finding
suitable partners who have an affinity
with children. “My career keeps me
busy and I try to spend as much of
my free time as possible with my son,
so this doesn’t leave a lot of time for
dating! Sharing custody and having
a full-time helper make dating easier
than it would be if I were in Europe.
I have found this difficult though.
Women in Hong Kong are very
career-oriented; a few women I’ve
dated have never spent time with
young children and don’t seem to
know how to act around them. I try
to be upfront – I would like to be in
a long-term relationship again but
my son’s needs are important, too.
Whoever I date needs to know this.”
When it comes to the single dad
scene, David doesn’t notice many
others around. “I don't find them to
be very common, I don’t know any
other single dads in Hong Kong,
although I do meet single mums so
there must be a few others.”
Mark
*
It’s been eight years since Mark, a
father of two, was last a single man.
And he can confirm the dating scene
isn’t what it used to be. “Since I was
last single, there’s now online dating,
which makes meeting women so
much easier. On the flip side, most of
my former single friends are married
with kids, so there’s less chance to
go out in groups. But they do like to
live the single life vicariously through
me!”
Mark’s had a very positive
experience getting back in the game,
and urges other dads to give it a
try. “I think most guys of average
confidence and average looks would
tell you that dating in Hong Kong
isn’t that difficult. There are plenty
of single women out there of all ages,
races and sizes.”
Like many dads, Mark’s biggest
challenge is balancing his busy
schedule – work and his kids take up
a huge chunk of his time and energy.
That means finding quality time with
new love interests can sometimes
be a stretch. “Devoting and finding
time to be with your girlfriend is the
biggest challenge. Given my heavy
work schedule, there’s precious time
to be spent with my kids, meaning
my girlfriend usually takes second
place. From experience, they don’t
like that!”
While it might be tempting to
multi-task, it’s probably not the right
time to cut corners and start mixing
audiences. He recommends keeping
a firm line between love and family
life. “You don’t want the kids getting
attached to a girlfriend and then she
disappears. Most of the girls I’ve
dated – and it’s not that many – don’t
have kids. The balancing time thing
is an issue.”
Mark also raises an interesting
discussion about the dynamics of
long-term relationships with women
without children. Women without
children raise the inevitable question
about starting a new family, a
potentially complex discussion for a
man who already has children. “I do
struggle with the thought of having
kids again with a new girlfriend,
especially because mine are still
young.”
*
Names have been changed.
June 2015
65
