How to be
when you
’
re
present
absent
W
ith research from
The University of
Oxford revealing the
negative impact a
disengaged father has on his child,
it’s not surprising that one of the
most common questions new dads
ask me is, “How can I be there for
my child when my job takes me
away from home so often?” It’s an
understandable fear, especially in this
crazy, demanding city of ours. So
many dads are required to travel for
the myriad of international businesses
based in Hong Kong and the constant
back-and-forth inevitably affects a
father-child relationship. But that
effect doesn’t have to be negative.
To be successful, a relationship
doesn’t require a constant physical
presence 24/7, 365 days of the year.
We’d all be driven mad if it did! But it
does require an emotional presence,
whether the person is in the same
city or halfway around the world.
We all know how it feels to be in a
relationship – whether business or
personal – where the other party
is not emotionally invested. Maybe
we’ve been that person ourselves. But
when it comes to the parent-child
connection, emotional engagement
isn’t an option. It’s a requirement.
So the question remains – how to be
emotionally present when physically
absent? Easy. By keeping it simple,
routine and consistent.
When you are absent
There are many ways to be
emotionally engaged, but the simplest
way to ensure it happens is to make
an internal commitment to do so,
then follow it up with external action.
Your options for action are many…
• When your baby is still just a baby,
ask your partner to put the phone on
speaker when you call. Allow your
baby to hear your voice every day.
• When your child is a little older, get
creative with some games you can
play while you’re away. Buy a jigsaw
puzzle then hide the pieces around
the house with clues leading from
one piece to the next. Bring the final
piece home with you then complete
the puzzle together. You can do
something similar with a book – let
your child find a page each day then
read it together when you call before
bedtime. Your partner may not
thank you for all the hidden puzzle
pieces and book pages, but it can
be a fun, sweet way to connect with
your child.
• Or, if time doesn’t permit
organising games, simply record a
video message for them each night
before you go to bed then email
it to them or your partner to play
for them over breakfast. Ask them
questions you can then discuss on
your evening calls. This can become
more important as your child
approaches the teen years and needs
Frequent work trips don’t mean that you
can’t keep growing the bond with your
baby or child. You just have to be creative
and committed, writes
Orla Breeze
.
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